R.E.M., Accelerate

Some of you may be wondering why most of the material I review receives good (or at least not horrendous) write-ups, and that has to do with the fact that I have to fork over my own money for these albums. I have no intention of wasting my hard cash on something that sucks solely so I can spew obscenities in its general direction, unless we’re talking about a random impulse buy that I have no idea what I’m getting into. The only time I have the opportunity to flex my bile duct is when the album lands in my lap for free, I borrow it from someone, or when the band has the kindness to post the whole album online on their myspace page or some other website with streaming capability. Thus, I would like to thank Michael Stipe and company for putting all of Accelerate on iLike.com so I can at long last tear something to shreds for my own personal amusement without having to pay for it.

I have to confess that I am not very familiar with most of R.E.M.s catalogue aside from the standard radio singles that we all grew up with in the 90s. I remember thinking that they were good, but nothing R.E.M. did really lit a fire under my seat strong enough to run out and pick up any of their releases. I understand that back in the 80s they were far more experimental and darker until they made the jump from underground alternative to mainstream, radio-friendly alternative. In some ways, this may be an attempt to backtrack to when they were a bit edgier.

Accelerate is populated by guitar-driven rock that comes off fun as long as you ignore the fact that this is the band that brought you “It’s the End of the World as We Know It (And I Feel Fine)” and “Losing My Religion.” Not so much bad as it is unexciting. Bland, generic, boring. Point in fact, the first four tracks feel more like Counting Crows songs, if anything (which reminds me, they have an album out today, if you’re so inclined). I had trouble paying attention until “Houston” came on, which is of the semi-folk variety and not a bad song, but still suffering from the blandness of the rest of the album and far too short. As a matter of fact, every track on this album is short; the whole thing runs about 34 minutes. I suppose I should be thankful, as that means I don’t have to put up with it for very long.

Aside from the afore-mentioned “Houston,” the only other track that caught my attention (in a good way) was “Until the Day Is Done,” which also follows in the semi-folk vein. Even then, it was still rather unimaginative. Just about every track feels like it has been done before at least a decade ago, and done better by someone else. By the time I was three tracks away from the end, I had to go run for a refill of coffee lest I fall asleep across the keyboard. “I’m Gonna DJ” is probably the most annoying track I’ve heard all year.

I decided for this review that I’d go and find out what other reviewers were saying about Accelerate. I actually found this to be quite helpful since I was so busy being bored by what I was hearing that I completely missed the political overtones to certain tracks on this album. On that note, thank you David Fricke of Rolling Stone for your glowing review of this album and providing me another reason to dislike it. While I don’t mind politics too much in music, I do have a problem when it takes over and turns the record into a flaming pile of vomit. That doesn’t really happen too much here (or maybe I missed it due to consciously trying to ignore what was coming out of the speakers), but I want to take the opportunity to stand on a soapbox and voice an opinion. I’m really tired of aging alterna-rockers running around, waving their fingers at the government, and then playing before audiences cheering at their “edgy” stance and patting themselves on the back like they’ve done a good job and changed the world. NEWSFLASH: BOMBS ARE STILL BEING DROPPED, SOMEONE’S DYING PAINFULLY SOMEWHERE, AND YOU’VE DONE JACK ASIDE FROM SELLING SOME RECORDS. This preaching to the choir is getting so annoying that it leaves me somewhat flabbergasted that both popular and underground musicians are still beating that tired drum. Yes, we all know that Dubya is the unholy spawn of Satan and Carol Channing; you don’t need to reiterate it every bloody three months with another “feel-good-because-we’re-saying-something” album from some has-been rocker.

I don’t know about you, but when I put a CD in the player, I want to be thrilled, moved, or have the chair pulled out from under my chunky buttocks so I am forced to dance. Accelerate did none of the above. If anything, it made me think of other alternative and indie rock albums that did a much better job and kept my interest all the way through. Maybe I’ll come back to this and think more charitably about Accelerate some time in the future, but until then, I’ll be digging around for something else to listen to.


Go listen to it yourself at iLike.com and tell me I’m a knob.
R.E.M.’s official website and myspace.